Sunday, August 22, 2010
I was listening to Linkin Park and the lyrics were something like this:
When my time comes,
Forget the wrong that I've done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed.........Forgetting all the hurt inside
You've learnt to hide so well
Pretending someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can't be who you are
I can't be who you are
I CAN'T BE WHO YOU ARE.........may be I can hide things from this world, wear a fake smile on my face and behave as if this whole world is my home. The truth is I'm empty from inside. There is no charm, no zeal, and no connection. I wonder where is the girl who used to smile all the time, her doll was her biggest asset and every small little gift made her feel like a princess. She smiled as the Sun rose and talked to the Moon. She used to wait curiously for his dad's arrival from office coz he used to bring candy for her. Her mornings started with fun and nights were full of excitement. The flower blossomed.
As times passed on, she moved towards adolescent..........the most dangerous and beautiful part of our life cycle. Here she decided to explore the world and moved out of her shell. She met many people and categorized them as; good, bad, mean and selfish. There were so many lessons for her. She forgot to smile with the Sun and her nights spent in thinking. Millions of realizations, daily corrections and various complications........The flower lost the charm.
I have all the things necessary to live this life..............but wait a minute? Why do I breathe so unevenly? Why my face pains when I try to smile? Why do I frown more than smile? Why my sleep does not refresh my mind? Where is the happiness? What am I looking for? I heard my mother saying that I would find solution of every problem once I grow up. I'm still waiting for the solutions. There are my friends to help me, my love to cheer me up. In short, I'm dependent on them to fill some joy in my life. I don't know how long I would survive in this manner. May be, I should find out another world for me where I can hear my soul and read the nature's signs. A world which is not polluted by cruel intentions and artificial faces, where 'I'm with you' statement does not come with a silent word 'conditions apply'. May be, I'm expecting too much or may be this is what everyone wishes for 'A peaceful and beautiful world'.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Mother; mother; how could I exist without you?
You naughty, childlike creature yet wise and true.
You can make me laugh, you can make my cry.
With you it is not always easy, without you life is dry.
You encourage me to stand out in a crowd.
When I am in despair and wonder why things aren't happening for me fast,
You make me realise nice girls finish last.
You help me grow,
You believe in letting go.
We laugh and fight,
But you always make me realise that 'your might is your right'.
You are the reason of my existence. You are the one who gave me life. My dad calls you his wife. But for me, you are my life. There is no way I can show the gratitude to you completely. I'm writing this blog for you in order to express my feelings.
You are the one who left her living style in order to create my life. You moved out of a big village to a big city, from a big home to two rooms flat, from nature's beautiful lap towards a congested city. You give up your dream in order to build my future. You sacrificed your pleasure just to provide me a good future. I know how you crave for the natural air and soil that you left just for me to nurture. You erased your roots just to build up my dreams. You always smile as if everything is fine. However, My mother, I can hear your silent screams. I am sorry for taking your valuable life's pleasant memories, for depriving you from your original place and for living an artificial life.
I am proud of you, Ma. You are the one and only person who sacrificed a lot and is still silent about her deeds. I know you don't see your qualities in me. I am wild and stubborn. I follow my heart and my mind all the time. You feel that I hear you; however, the truth is I listen to every single word you say. I am nowhere similar to you. I cannot be, Ma. I cannot change my life style for anyone. I cannot forget my dreams for others. I cannot be a statue full of emotions. I cannot hide my pain. I cannot smile when I'm not happy. But, I can see the reason of my existence. It's you. You are the reason I should live this life and make you feel proud. I love you, Ma. I'll live this life in a true manner. One day, you would be proud to say that I am your daughter.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
I was feeling lazy since the morning. My mind was wandering somewhere and there was nothing to do. Suddenly, I picked up my old diary where I had jotted down special things. It included special days, good memories, bad memories and list of my good friends. Friends, who were there for me when I was nothing, who shared their precious time when I was nobody and who made me so important with their behaviour when I was not earning a single penny.
I wonder how the time changed everything around me. Now, I am independent. I have enough money to party all the time, designer clothes to flaunt and lots of experience to share. However, the friend list is almost empty. There are lots of things to share, but there is no spare time to discuss them. There are various credit cards, but no one to go out with me for shopping. I need to decide my plans in advance as every one is busy. I know the boy sitting next to me in the train is staring at me, but there is no one to confirm it for me. What have I earned so far is so small in front of the loss of my friends.
I am amazed how I used to share my daily routine with you guys when Mom used to shout over the telephone bill. Now, I have my own cellphone, but it hardly rings. How I used to tell you guys when someone complimented me about my hair band. Now, I seldom mention the proposals I get weekly. Eating a new chocolate with you guys was so exciting for me. Now, even the new cuisine hardly appeals me. I do not know whether in past 5 years I have progressed in my life or lost my precious achievements.
One thing I missed for 3 years was a smile of my friend, Pankaj. He is the person who acted more like my diary. I shared everything with him. Be it a crush on my trainer or situation out of my control. Whenever I felt low, I bumped into him and spitted every silly thought. And then, somehow we lost the connectivity. Anyway, I would still bestow my gratitude towards God for the countable friends I have in my life today. Whatever I have today is still the best I deserve. I can smile more than 50 times a day and feel content after every busy day. I cannot imagine my life without you. I cannot start my work without the gorgeous Shaily standing by my side, laughing with me at silly jokes of Santosh and Tejinder. I feel uncomfortable without wishing Namrata and Lovely a lovely day in the office. My head spins round until I hear 'I hate you, don't talk to me' saga from Shikha. I feel great when Tina tells me that I have not missed my assignments deadline. I miss Sarika's furious smile over my silly actions. Sarika, you are my darling. :-)
I love you all. You all are my angels. Be with me, no matter how silly I act or react at different situation.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I talked and walked for the first time and my mother was all in tears (joyful tears). I liked the flowers, toys, water splash and the nap on my father's lap. I went to school and learned all the society's norms and rules. I cried, laughed, sighed and wondered a lot. Why can't I understand amimals' chat? Why butterflies were so beautiful? So many questions aroused in my mind. I'm the growing up girl.
I graduated in some course and in my life as well. I learned the control and patience required to lead my life. I'm a sister who helps her siblings in their lives, who remind her parents to take medicines on times and do the household chores to give some rest to my mother. I took her support to walk properly. Now, I give her reasons to rest properly. I'm the grown up girl.
I can feel the pain of my loved one, delight of new things, sorrow of other human beings, the taste of tears. I can cry easily to wash away the pain, laugh on nonsense talks to relax my mind, hug people to make them feel special, smile whenever I see beautiful creations of God. I can react on violence, humiliation and aggression. I can live my life the way I want. I'm the woman. Proud to be a woman who is sensitive, determined and sensible.